DrozdMail
The fastest email service powered by actual birds! Watch your emails soar through cyberspace
at speeds previously thought impossible (by our marketing team, at least).
Lightning-fast delivery (if the bird is motivated)
99.9% uptime* (*when birds are awake)
Unlimited storage (we lost the hard drive size specs)
Zero spam filtering (it's a feature, not a bug)
Bird-themed email addresses
Emotional support from our tech team
⚠️ Disclaimer: We definitely won't guarantee that your email won't end up in spam
folder. Actually, we won't guarantee anything. The birds are unpredictable. Your mileage may vary.
Terms and conditions apply (we haven't written them yet).
Drozd (The Actual Bird)
Join our mission to save the Drozd! Purchase your very own thrush and raise it like your own
child, but cooler and quieter (until feeding time). Help us increase the global drozd population,
one bird at a time.
100% authentic, certified drozd
Comes with adoption certificate signed by Dmytro himself
Pre-trained in email delivery (results may vary)
Lifetime of emotional companionship
Makes cool bird sounds (probably)
Natural eagle deterrent (we hope)
Contributes to species preservation
🌿 Conservation Notice: By purchasing a drozd, you're directly supporting our
500 square kilometer bird sanctuary. Side effects may include: constant chirping, bird seed
expenses, and an overwhelming urge to tell everyone about your bird.
The Nest™
Premium pre-built nest to HOST your drozd! (Get it? HOST? Like servers? We're funny AND practical.)
Crafted from high-quality materials sourced from the finest trees, designed by birds, for birds.
Artisanal hand-woven construction
Weather-resistant design (mostly)
Optimal airflow for maximum comfort
Eagle-resistant mounting system
Suitable for 1-2 adult drozds or 4-6 eggs
Easy installation (some assembly required)
Comes with mounting hardware
Lifetime warranty* (*lifetime of the nest, not yours)
🔨 Technical Specs: Diameter: ~15cm, Height: ~10cm, Materials: Premium twigs,
grass, moss, and vibes. Not responsible for nest rejection by picky birds. Some birds prefer
minimalist architecture.
Drozd Eggs
Increase the drozd population from scratch! Each egg contains the potential for a future email
delivery specialist. Warning: Requires significant commitment, patience, and DDOS protection
against eagle attacks.
Fertilized and ready to hatch
Comes with incubation instructions
Genetic diversity guaranteed (probably)
FREE eagle-detection system included
24/7 hatching support hotline
Recommended DDOS protection package
Satisfaction guaranteed or your egg back
🦅 Security Warning: Eggs are vulnerable to eagle attacks. We strongly recommend
our premium DDOS (Drozd Defense & Observation System) protection package. Eagles have been known
to coordinate distributed attacks on nests. Stay vigilant. The survival rate is... optimistic.